A Convenient Romance
by XoLEP'sfirstOX
Summary: Set before OD. Everybody always thought that Holly Short and Trouble Kelp belonged together. Too bad they can't stand each other. But Holly starts to miss exboyfriend Rick, and she's willing to do anything to get him back.Hx?. R&R please!
1. Prologue

AN: Okay people, this is my first fic EVER, so constructive criticism is warmly welcomed (but no flamers please!).

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl or any other characters in the series don't belong to me. Eoin Colfer beat me to it . But Rick is mine!

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"Stop…it! I'm…….warning… you….." Holly could barely speak through the laughing fit she was forced to endure as her boyfriend tickled her to death in his living room's couch.

"Not until you say it."

"No! Come on….please…I'm running out of air…."

His hands moved down from her neck all the way to her stomach. That was her weakest point.

"Now" he whispered into her ear as Holly struggled to free herself from his strong embrace. She really was literally running out of air, and no amount of LEP or martial arts training could save her now. _darvit, if only he didn't have me pinned down._ She was forced to give in.

"All right, fine! You……..you win……. the Hurricanes _are _better than the Hawks.", she gasped as he released her.

"Ha! I knew you would give in. If there's one thing that can defeat the great Holly Short is one of my famous tickle attacks." He grinned triumphantly as Holly lied down on the couch trying to catch her breath. She looked up and raised a brow.

"Great Holly Short, eh?", she said, leaning closer to his face.

"Yes you are, and I am the -" Holly cut him of with a kiss but drew back just as fast.

"No cheesy lines. Please."

"No cheesy lines. Got it. Now back to where we were…" he said as they're faces got closer in perfect position for another kiss. The moment was lost when Holly's cell rang and they were forced to pull apart. _Oh no, Please don't let it be…_ she looked at the screen. Foaly. _Yep, I was right._

Rick sighed, " Let me guess, LEP business?"

"Looks like it, Foaly never calls just to say hi." She flipped over the waffle thin phone and brought it up to a pointy ear. "Tell me Foaly" ………….."Uhu"………. " Fine, I'll be there in ten." She got up and made her to door, an unhappy and disappointed Rick trailing behind.

"I've been keeping count Holls, and this is literally the fifteenth time this month that you have to run off because of LEP business"

" I know, but obviously I can't control when the LEP needs me or not, and I certainly can't control when a group of rogue gnomes decides to rob a bank and escape to the surface along with twenty carrots of gold." Holly turned to look at her boyfriend's beautiful green eyes and almost regretted doing it once she saw the sorrow in them. " I'm sorry" she said getting closer, "but I promise I'll make it up to you.", they were holding hands now and she gave him a quick yet passionate kiss. Reluctantly, they pulled apart.

" Oh , and here I thought we agreed on no more cheesy lines", he teased with a cocky grin and a raised brow.

"Shut up." Holly replied playfully as she walked out the apartment.

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I know it's short people but this is just the prologue, I'll try to make the next chap a bit longer. Review!


	2. Break ups and punching bags

Two chapters in one day, not too bad for an amateur (I think). Remember, R&R!

Disclaimer: Sigh, AF and any characters in it are NOT mine, so all praise must go to Eoin Colfer. I cantake credit for Rick for though.

" _Oh , and here I thought we agreed on no more cheesy lines", he teased with a cocky grin and a raised brow._

"_Shut up." Holly replied playfully as she walked out the apartment._

3 months later…………..

Holly still couldn't believe it. _Who did that Emma Aiken think she was?_ The elf had about half the LEP after her in just three months of being the force, but nooooooo, she just had to go for boyfriend Rick. Cross that, _ex_- boyfriend. She could still remember the evening when she walked went to his apartment and found them kissing crystal clear. The worst part was that it had been in Valentines Day. Some Valentines gift.

For the last three months she had been spending all her free time in the gym channeling her anger into the punching bag, which in her mind had Rick's face on it. She smiled as her fist delivered a perfect hook punch into what would have been his nose, just as she had done with his real face. Both felt good.

_Was that how planned to break up with me? To find him cheating on me with the new Lili Frond of the LEP?_

" I guess so, seeing as he was the one who told you to come over."

Holly blushed furiously when she realized that she had asked those last two questions out loud. She turned to see none other than the famous Trouble Kelp walk into the gym in his exercise clothes and a draped towel over his shoulder. Holly gave a slight growl and kicked up the force of her punches before she was forced to punch him. _Don't talk, maybe he'll just leave alone, _she tried to convince her self as Rick's face instantly transformed itself into Trouble's. As you can see, Holly detested Trouble more than having to deal with an avalanche of trolls. The guy was a show off, a know it all, and on top of it all he was the elfin version of Chix. There wasn't a single girl in Heaven between the ages of 70-80 that he hadn't gone out with, including Cahartez's daughter! Arrogant, smart ass, and a lady's man (which Holly always found the type to stay away from), what else was there to hate?

"Not exactly the best way to end a relationship though."

The bag began to tear. _Yeah I guess you'd be an expert at that, _Holly though as she remembered all the stories she'd heard about the famous Trouble Kelp break ups.

" Just as well, there's many guys in the LEP dying to go out with you. Some advice though, if I were you I'd ease up on the bossy attitude. Maybe that's what drove that Rich guy away."

The bag broke. _Did he just say what I though he did? _Holly turned her attention from the half of the bag that was still hanging and walked to where Trouble was lifting weights.

"Um Holly, what are you doing?" Trouble's eyes widened as a pissed off Holly approached the bench. " Looks a little to easy for you Trubs, how about adding some weight" She added one hundred pounds to the bar, now making it 400 hundred pounds, a good four times his weight. His arms instantly collapsed and he barely had enough time roll of before the bar crushed his chest. Holly almost burst out laughing when her cell began to beep loudly indicating she had a new message. It was from Foaly

" Com 2 bth now, emrgncy." Foaly never contacted her this way in work, whatever it was it had to be something serious.

"What….. what the hell was that!" Trouble asked still clutching his chest.

"Just some advice" she winked before walking out of the gym. Trouble watched her go from his place in the floor and felt a strange sensation…

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"What's the status Foaly?" Holly asked as the doors of the booth closed behind her. She could go in anytime she wanted now that Foaly had given her her own access card. She was the only person with one.

"Status, how's the status? Hm, let's see, four criminals from the top ten's most wanted list decided to form a little group and escape from Howler's peak , one of our best pilots crashed into a rock face near where Kobio labs used to be, and Root just docked my pay by 20. Oh, it's going slightly bad, just slightly", he said frantically while typing ferociously into the keyboard.

_Oh, that is bad_ "Calm down Foaly, just tell me what Root wants me to do. Am I going topside?", Holly asked as calmly as she could while she patted his flank.

"No, apparently all four criminals are after the same guy, and Root wants your partners to investigate their contacts."

" What partners?" Somehow Holly got the feeling that she wouldn't like the answer, and she couldn't have been more right.

" Trouble Kelp and Emma Aiken" _Darvit._

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Okay people, I've only had one review (which I really appreciate thanx ) ), and I'm still waiting for the constructive criticism.


	3. First face of

Okay people, I know that the summary says that people think Holly and Trubs belong together, so you're going to see some of that in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I have no choice seeing as if I don't say this Colfer will probably sue me. Here we go again, Artemis Fowl or any other character in the series don't belong to me, they belong to the man mentioned before. There, happy now?

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Vein moaned loudly as he carried a stack papers literally his own height down the hallway. He thought that Root would ease up after he actually started getting back problems, but the commander took it as a pathetic excuse out of doing paperwork and slammed the door in his face before Vein had time to show him the doctor's notice. _What if HE was the one having to do this everyday?. Would back problems be a pathetic excuse after that?_

Vein continued seething until he passed by the gym and heard a stiff grunt.

He peeked inside and saw his best friend Trouble Kelp on his knees, face still a bit red._ Looks like he needs help. Oh well, seems like I have to take a small detour and help him out., _he thought happily as he dropped the mountain of forms on top the nearest table and approached Trouble.

" What happened to you man?" he asked extending a sore a hand to the fallen major.

Trouble looked up at Vein and gave him one of his worst scowls " Holly Short. And thanks but I can get up my own." He grabbed hold of nearest machine and felt the strain of his muscles as he struggled to pull up.

" Uhu, what she do know? Slam you with a crunchball ball again?" Trouble winced, he still had the mark from that day. It was during the finals of the LEP league and their teams were competing against each other. Holly claimed that she was aiming at the post, which was a good twenty feet away from Trouble. His team lost. " No", he denied nodding fiercely from side to side, " this time she made me lift four hundred pounds. It wasn't as bad as the crunchball incident, but it could have been worse. I used up all my magic last night in the fire.She could have killed me!" then he used what was left of his breath to mutter one last comment "though that's probably what she wants."

Vein couldn't help but suppressing a grin, whether it was just a stupid fight of insults or an all out brawl, you could always rest assure that something interesting was bound to happen when Holly Short and Trouble Kelp were in the same room. Those two hated each other death, even a goblin could see that. But that's not why Vein was grinning. No, what the captain found humorous about the situation was that, ironically, despite they're constant bickering and numerous "accidents", Holly and Trouble were a favorite in the LEP for best couple. It had been like that since the first time they met in the Academy……

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_Holly Short stood tall and proud among all the new recruits. All of their faces, ALL of them, showed how scared they were. But not Holly. She had worked hard, spending restless nights reading the manual for the entry exams, and brutally training her body to be ready for the physical tasks. She knew it would be tough, and she was ready for it. There was only one person with that same attitude, and it was just as young Terry, now Trouble, Kelp. _

_Holly was half-way through all the first-day forms when a tall and muscular young elf sat down next to her to start filling his own. For about five minutes she could see him glancing at her from the corner of her eye. At first she didn't really care, that is, until he stopped glancing and completely switched his attention from the forms to her, then, with just a hint of a smile playing around his lips, turned back to what he was doing. Holly couldn't believe it. Was he……….checking her out? "Unbelievable, you'd think that after sending Chix Verbil to the hospital wing with a broken nose men would stop hitting on me." Holly made a mental note to stay away from the guy and focused on finishing the forms. Still, she had to admit that he was sort of handsome, in a tough macho sort of way. Holly herself couldn't resist risking a glance at his slightly bulging biceps, clearly outlined by the tight black jacket he was wearing. His eyes were hidden by the red locks of tussled hair drooping down his bent face like a curtain, but she had seen them when he glanced at her and remembered catching a slight sparkle of blue. "Well" she thought, "maybe he IS just a bit more than sort of handsome………" Wait, WHAT? Was SHE the one checking HIM out now? " Stop it Holls , you didn't come here for that. Just get those thoughts out of your head right now……_

"_Nervous huh?"_

_Holly jumped on her seat, she knew that he definitely had noticed her but she didn't actually expect him to talk to her. At least not in a tone that didn't say " You, me, and that fancy restaurant next to Spud Emporium's." Only half of that sentence made it out of Chix Verbal's mouth before Holly cut him off with her fist._

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Yeah, I kinda overheard what you said about getting those words out of your head. Can't blame you though, I feel the same way. At least you're not dealing with it like some of the other cadets around here", he said all of this and continued without looking up, but pointed a finger at a specific group of cadets standing by the statue of the first commander. It was probably the group that was forced to come here by their mothers or girlfriends. Some were hyperventilating, others were holding the Book and appeared to be praying, and even one of them that had a slight striking resemblance was on the cell phone yelling " Mommy get me out of here now!"._

"………_I looked all over your body to see any signs of stress, and to be honest I'm surprised your handling it so well." Almost uncontrollably, a huge smile suddenly appeared on Holly's face. She was beginning to like this guy, that is until……. " You know, you being a girl and all."_

_Faster than a sane person would run when a dwarf unhinges his jaw, the smile quickly faded. "Excuse me?"_

"_Be honest, why are you here?" He said this as if it were just a casual question, he didn't even look up._

"_I could ask you the same thing" Holly spat back. Who did this guy think he was, asking her what she was doing here. She probably wanted to be here more than all the other cadets, including him. "I'm here because I've always wanted to be part of the LEP and help protect the People."_

"_Mhm, don't you think you could that opening some charity center or something, you know, leave the hard stuff to us -" **Smack**! Trouble Kelp had just earned himself a perfect mark leaving slap right across the cheek, courtesy of Holly Short. Before she had time to deliver seconds, Trouble grabbed Holly's hand in mid air and she leaned forward. " I'm not backing down" she whispered, hazel eyes challenging his blue ones. For about 30 seconds they just stayed there, staring at each other's eyes, looking for any sign of weakness or regret. Then Trouble leaned in a bit closer, causing Holly to lean backwards until…….. _

_**Bam! **What happened to Holly can only be described as one of the most mortifying, embarrassing, and completely stupid moments of her life. Still, it was the only solution her body could come up with with Trouble's face so close. She fell out of her chair. Not only did she fall out of her chair, but she fell on top of somebody. Holly swore she heard the person growl before he/her got up. From her sitting position in the floor Holly saw an immense shadow looming over her and picked up a strange toxic aroma. The female elf stopped rubbing her sore bottom and looked up to squint at the figure looking down at her. At first glance Holly swore she saw an overgrown tomato. When she looked closer, she saw that the overgrown tomato had two wide eyeballs, glaring directly at her, a fungus cigar sticking out of his mouth. _

_From a short distance away, a certain cadet by the name of James Vein had been watching the whole spectacle from his position on the statue's head ( he had climbed it as part of the traditional first day dare). Still, as he saw the intense stares these two gave each other through his goggles, Vein swore he saw something else hidden deep behind they're eyes. Something that came out and was gone before he could blink, but none the less had been there. Two hours and fifteen minutes later, word of the incident had spread out throughout the whole Academy. After twenty years of Root and Vinyaya, Trouble Kelp and Holly Short were now the favorite couple of the LEP._

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Ten years later, nothing had changed. Trouble and Holly still "hated each other", and time after time they'd find an excuse to fight. Vein stayed in that dreamlike state, swimming in memories of the past, until he received a sharp whack in the head from Trouble.

"Well, are you going to heal me or not?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that……"

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Review people!!!!!!!!


	4. Sneech

Well it took a few months and a slight push of encouragement, but I'm back! Crowd runs away, is left alone in the middle of a field of annoying crickets

Disclaimer: Holly, Trouble, Foaly, and everybody else in the LEP except Emma are not mine...yet Unfolds plans for time machine.

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" _What partners?" Somehow Holly got the feeling that she wouldn't like the answer, and she couldn't have been more right._

" _Trouble Kelp and Emma Aiken" _

_On the other side of Police Plaza, Commander Julius Root could have sworn on Mulch's behind that he heard a women's scream._

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Trouble's ears perked up, for a second he swore he had heard………

"What the- who died?!" Vein exclaimed as he left Trouble barely in mid healing, causing the elf to collapse on the floor for the second time in five minutes.

Vein was mid leapt to the door when the LEP's most infamous captain, Sneech, burst in. Unlike Kelp or Vein, who were in almost perfect physical condition and were naturals in the field, the clumsy elf could barely hold a gun upright let alone pass the captain's exam. Rumor was he'd once stumbled into a drunk Cahartez at a bar and the half-conscious chairman spilled a treasure chest of council secrets to the young elf, who was desperate for a way to pass the LEP Academy and most importantly, without braking any bones. Sneech wasted no time. The next morning Cahartez received a message titled "Council's Secrets". The day after that Sneech was packed and out of the Academy straight to the LEP as a captain. Since he was barely sent on any missions and had barely to no paper work, Sneech made it his life's mission to be the "best informed" on what was going on inside the LEP and so became quite the expert on eavesdropping. This particular morning he had noticed an increase of activity around the Ops Booth and decided to skulk around. Once he heard the scream, all it took was some juicy gossip on one of Foaly's intern techies and he had his rival singing like a bird.

With as much grace as a monkey in high heels the infamous captain stumbled forward excitedly and fixed his gaze on Trouble, "Nobody, yet, but if I were you I'd get a head start on my will Kelp. I happen to like your collection of Hawk bobble heads, that nice hologram screen wouldn't hurt either. "

"The day you get those is the day Grub becomes captain AND goes without calling mom for more than half an hour."

"I heard he got through twenty minutes yesterday." interrupted a slightly left out Vein, whom despite hating the so called captain had decided a long time ago that the wise thing to do was keep on his good side.

"Meh, Chix and I have a bet on how many months it takes Grub to go past the 35 mark."

Trouble rolled his eyes, leave it up to Sneech to make a dramatic entrance and then start chatting away like Foaly bragging about one of his latest inventions. He rolled over and grabbed hold of the nearest machine, a weight lifting machine similar to that of the mudmens' cable machines.

"We have one on how long it takes for Mrs. Kelp to block his number."

"Really? Have you heard of the how long it takes her to run away and get a new identity one? I put 50 on two-" _**CLANG!**_ The two elves looked back just in time to see Trouble's torso collapse unto the floor…….again. This time it was his own fault, he had grabbed the opposite end of bar and a slight slip of his hand had caused a collision between the other end and his skull. _Great, now I'm getting beat up by exercise machines._

The other two quickly rushed to his side and Vein began the process of healing Trouble's cranium, already sprouting a lovely lump where the impact had occurred.

"Well, at this rate you're making her job a whole lot easier mate.", Sneech snickered.

"H-her?", moaned Kelp in response. Trouble was able to squint just enough to see Sneech's trademark grin, a grin that could only compare to Artemis's vampire smile.

"Why, haven't you been informed Cap? You're being sent on a mission with your sweet heart, Holly Short."

That was enough to make Trouble pass out.

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Well there it is. I know it's barely worth the wait for those who put the story on their alerts list (which I thank you VERY much by the way, as well as those who reviewed) but this school year's proving to be a lot more easy and I'll probably be able to write more often.


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